all is most definitely in the air. Transitional seasons like fall and spring always tend to be ripe with change, but this summer and fall I've been feeling a push towards change in a powerful way. I feel stuck and comfortable and I'm trying to figure out the right way to break free. One of the biggest questions in my life that almost always seems to taunt me, unanswered, is, "but how?" I know that if I knew the answer to that elusive question I could do it, whatever it is. I'm great at following directions. Give me directions and I will follow them to the utmost excellence that I can possibly eke out. But in the absence of obvious directions? I often feel a bit lost and panicky. Rules and directions are so comfortable. Even if I don't agree with the rules or don't want to follow the directions, they're at least there to crate a framework for me to rebel against. Adrift in an ocean with no shore in sight is how I've felt for many years, off and on. No clue for which direction to set my sail towards.
I'm trying to trust my instincts and learn to hear them again. Follow them. Remember where my soul feels most alive. Move towards there. Find my sealskin, slip it on and sink beneath the surface.